Accompanier’s Manual – L’Arche Tahoma Hope Community
(Teilhard de Chardin from The Making of a Mind)
Above all, trust in the slow work of God. We are quite naturally impatient in everything to reach the end without delay…We should like to skip the intermediate stages.
We are impatient of being on the way to something unknown, something new; and yet it is the law of all progress that is made by passing through some stages of instability… and that it may take a very long time.
And so it is with you, your ideas mature gradually…let them grow, let them shape themselves without undue haste. Don’t try to force them on, as though you could be today what tie (that is to say, grace and circumstances acting on your own good will) will make you tomorrow.
Only God could say what this new spirit gradually forming in you will be. Give our Lord the benefit of believing that God’s hand is leading you, and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself in suspense and incomplete.
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This excerpt was read at one of our orientation sessions. I fought back the tears, because I am not yet ready to be that vulnerable with this community. “I am a strong independent woman” as on of the seasoned assistants says to make fun of the “her” she was when she was me. (If that makes sense…J )
I can tell this journey with L’Arche is going to be much more than I originally assumed. I knew it would be a wonderful experience, but I did not expect it to be so much of a spiritual pilgrimage. But it is such a slow pilgrimage. It is a slow process to become part of this community, part of this story. I want yearn for the work to be over and to confidently know I also have a place in this community to love and be loved. But for now, as this poem pushes, I must “accept the anxiety of feeling yourself in suspense and incomplete.”
Again at orientation there were many things that stuck out to me. One, was the meaning of words:
- L’Arche = Ark, Refuge… this is a place where people are save amidst the storms
- Ananda (one of the houses) = the joy with which we cannot live without.
- Anawim (another house) = the humble and lowly who will lead us home (or something like that.)
Some other quick thoughts:
- In the spirituality of L’Arche, God is the weakest and most vulnerable. The crosses born here are in wheel chairs, limited ways to communicate and so on.
- Community can make terrible demands too. (This statement scared me… because of my longing for the familiarity of my family and friends … can I give that security up for the risk of this community? Yes, I have only a 1 year commitment… but my fear is the urge that is already inside of me for more.)
- As we develop cognitively we grow further from God… as we age we grow closer again… most people with Developmental Disabilities never separate from God.
- When people frustrate us, it is best to think about what that person is touching in us, rather than complain about them. Praying for our enemies is about changing yourself, not your enemy.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
A New Way of Living
Kendall Payne – Not Afraid to be me…
I’ve got a new way of living now
a little less of a lot A little more of nothing
Thought you might have seen the change in me
Little quicker to listen little slower to speak
I was wrong when I said I was strong
I am weak and I need All that you have to give
I cannot keep the voices quiet inside
Hear them sing hear the scream, at least I know I’m alive
Now I am meeting myself
and I am liking what I see
I am not afraid anymore
Not afraid to be bored
Not afraid to be me
Every battle leads to another war
Every day I’m reminded of what I’m fighting for
It’s never easy and it’s never the same
But it’s worth all I’ve got and so I’ll give it again
Now I don’t know why, I don’t know why
But it makes me want to cry, cry
I am meeting myself and I am ready to see
Truth can break our heart
that is when it will start to set us free
``````
This song entered my life during my Capstone class senior year at Bluffton. It has now become a strong theme in my life. I have been especially relating to the part of being weak and needing all that others have to give me right now. However, I am also realizing that when I say this is the theme of my life, I am lying rather blatantly. I am SO afraid to be me right now.
L’Arche, the blessed place, is full of brokenness. Broken bodies, broken spirits, broken volunteers… that one is me. It is not just the core members who are broken, but I also am in so many ways, broken, weak, and dependent on them to show me what it means to have a meaningful relationship.
I have found myself in the past days really hiding what I have to offer the community. I feel offended often that they haven’t all just taken an immediate liking to me and our relationship is suddenly in existence. I lose patience with myself in learning how to speak with the Core Members, what they need at what times, and how I can make their time at the workshop meaningful. But I realized today that I have many good ideas that I disregard because I feel under qualified and under unified with the Core Members. I have ideas and smother them because “I don’t know what I’m doing!” And it’s hard to admit that my feelings truly do get hurt when Core Members don’t want to do things with me!
I wonder why it is I feel so guarded right now? Part of me is fearful that if I truly let this community into my heart and see who I am, I’m never going to leave them. This seems kind of silly to me, but right now I long for home, family, and familiar friends so much that the thought of devoting myself to this community for a long time makes me sad.
But perhaps I’m simply being too hard on myself. I have been in this community for less that two weeks. It takes time to build mutual trust. The Core members don’t trust me yet, and that hurts my feelings. But if I were honest with myself, I don’t trust them yet either.
Still, there are moments I feel are truly sacred. Like when Father Jim cradled a Core Member’s head and stared right into her eyes intently, ending with a gentle kiss on the forehead. Or when one Core member ended the prayer at Communion with “Peace and MOCHAS!” (Mochas truly are joy for her!)
Many sacred moments I have felt at orientation. When I learn about the spirit of this community, I become more and more moved. These are some wise quotes that both made me nervous, and got me excited to spend this year at L’Arche:
- Core members understand A LOT more than they are able to communicate.
- The harder the core members are to handle, the more they have to teach us.
- They’ll teach you what a healthy relationship is.
- There will be days when you think you’d never had a real relationship until L’Arche.
- You don’t connect with core members intellectually. But they have an uncanny way of connecting on the deeper heart level.
- In this job, your heart MUST be present.
- You CHOSE to be here, and the choice will come up again and again.
Soul, heart, relationship, community, person-centered… no wonder I felt such a strong pull towards L’Arche it overtook my fear of being so far from the familiar for such a long time! Those are the things I thrive on, the things I meditate on, the things my gifts revolve around.
This is a radical year, but in a very ordinary way. Each day, I wash dishes, clean, take people to the bathroom, smile a lot, and take out the trash. My days are monotonously ordinary. But what is really happening, and what I hope will continue to happen, is that I am becoming part of a community of brokenness, but a community that has so much love, everyone's brokenness, including mine, is turned into beauty.
I’ve got a new way of living now
a little less of a lot A little more of nothing
Thought you might have seen the change in me
Little quicker to listen little slower to speak
I was wrong when I said I was strong
I am weak and I need All that you have to give
I cannot keep the voices quiet inside
Hear them sing hear the scream, at least I know I’m alive
Now I am meeting myself
and I am liking what I see
I am not afraid anymore
Not afraid to be bored
Not afraid to be me
Every battle leads to another war
Every day I’m reminded of what I’m fighting for
It’s never easy and it’s never the same
But it’s worth all I’ve got and so I’ll give it again
Now I don’t know why, I don’t know why
But it makes me want to cry, cry
I am meeting myself and I am ready to see
Truth can break our heart
that is when it will start to set us free
``````
This song entered my life during my Capstone class senior year at Bluffton. It has now become a strong theme in my life. I have been especially relating to the part of being weak and needing all that others have to give me right now. However, I am also realizing that when I say this is the theme of my life, I am lying rather blatantly. I am SO afraid to be me right now.
L’Arche, the blessed place, is full of brokenness. Broken bodies, broken spirits, broken volunteers… that one is me. It is not just the core members who are broken, but I also am in so many ways, broken, weak, and dependent on them to show me what it means to have a meaningful relationship.
I have found myself in the past days really hiding what I have to offer the community. I feel offended often that they haven’t all just taken an immediate liking to me and our relationship is suddenly in existence. I lose patience with myself in learning how to speak with the Core Members, what they need at what times, and how I can make their time at the workshop meaningful. But I realized today that I have many good ideas that I disregard because I feel under qualified and under unified with the Core Members. I have ideas and smother them because “I don’t know what I’m doing!” And it’s hard to admit that my feelings truly do get hurt when Core Members don’t want to do things with me!
I wonder why it is I feel so guarded right now? Part of me is fearful that if I truly let this community into my heart and see who I am, I’m never going to leave them. This seems kind of silly to me, but right now I long for home, family, and familiar friends so much that the thought of devoting myself to this community for a long time makes me sad.
But perhaps I’m simply being too hard on myself. I have been in this community for less that two weeks. It takes time to build mutual trust. The Core members don’t trust me yet, and that hurts my feelings. But if I were honest with myself, I don’t trust them yet either.
Still, there are moments I feel are truly sacred. Like when Father Jim cradled a Core Member’s head and stared right into her eyes intently, ending with a gentle kiss on the forehead. Or when one Core member ended the prayer at Communion with “Peace and MOCHAS!” (Mochas truly are joy for her!)
Many sacred moments I have felt at orientation. When I learn about the spirit of this community, I become more and more moved. These are some wise quotes that both made me nervous, and got me excited to spend this year at L’Arche:
- Core members understand A LOT more than they are able to communicate.
- The harder the core members are to handle, the more they have to teach us.
- They’ll teach you what a healthy relationship is.
- There will be days when you think you’d never had a real relationship until L’Arche.
- You don’t connect with core members intellectually. But they have an uncanny way of connecting on the deeper heart level.
- In this job, your heart MUST be present.
- You CHOSE to be here, and the choice will come up again and again.
Soul, heart, relationship, community, person-centered… no wonder I felt such a strong pull towards L’Arche it overtook my fear of being so far from the familiar for such a long time! Those are the things I thrive on, the things I meditate on, the things my gifts revolve around.
This is a radical year, but in a very ordinary way. Each day, I wash dishes, clean, take people to the bathroom, smile a lot, and take out the trash. My days are monotonously ordinary. But what is really happening, and what I hope will continue to happen, is that I am becoming part of a community of brokenness, but a community that has so much love, everyone's brokenness, including mine, is turned into beauty.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
And the days go on...
While out on a walk with one of L’Arche’s core members, I noticed the core member was giggling to himself. I asked what he was laughing at and he said, “Oh well, you’re just so sweet is all.” Ahh… acceptance is good.
I changed my first adult diaper today. That was interesting. The anticipation of it was pretty dreadful. I mean – I have never witnessed the adult body au-natural… However, actually doing it seemed almost natural. It seemed just like changing a baby, but much more complicated and required a little more creative maneuvering.
I also had my first “wiping” experience the other day. Unfortunately the core member I was doing it with (side note – I absolutely love this woman. She could SO be part of the Hershberger family. She’s a little gruffer, lays things out like they are, and is completely hysterical.) yelped and jumped as I wiped. Now, my biggest fear in working with the core members to do this kind of activity is hurting them or making them feel uncomfortable/disrespected. My heart sank and I jumped right along with her. The bathroom was silent for a second and then she broke out in uproarious laughter. She was totally messing with me, the little booger. I then proceeded to nearly faint with relief!
The more I’m exposed to these things though, the more I realize I totally can do this. I can change diapers, I can wipe butts, I can do physical therapy, I can feed sloppy dribbling adults their food…partly because they need it, but mostly because I really am growing a love for these individuals. Maybe it’s also because I’m realizing how much they are going to teach me this year, so this kind of care is the gift I have to offer back to them. My gift seems pretty lame compared to the gifts they’re giving me…
I changed my first adult diaper today. That was interesting. The anticipation of it was pretty dreadful. I mean – I have never witnessed the adult body au-natural… However, actually doing it seemed almost natural. It seemed just like changing a baby, but much more complicated and required a little more creative maneuvering.
I also had my first “wiping” experience the other day. Unfortunately the core member I was doing it with (side note – I absolutely love this woman. She could SO be part of the Hershberger family. She’s a little gruffer, lays things out like they are, and is completely hysterical.) yelped and jumped as I wiped. Now, my biggest fear in working with the core members to do this kind of activity is hurting them or making them feel uncomfortable/disrespected. My heart sank and I jumped right along with her. The bathroom was silent for a second and then she broke out in uproarious laughter. She was totally messing with me, the little booger. I then proceeded to nearly faint with relief!
The more I’m exposed to these things though, the more I realize I totally can do this. I can change diapers, I can wipe butts, I can do physical therapy, I can feed sloppy dribbling adults their food…partly because they need it, but mostly because I really am growing a love for these individuals. Maybe it’s also because I’m realizing how much they are going to teach me this year, so this kind of care is the gift I have to offer back to them. My gift seems pretty lame compared to the gifts they’re giving me…
Beginnings at L'Arche
I have officially started my year at L’Arche. My first day was overwhelmingly wonderful. I can learn a lot from this community about what it means to be welcoming, open, and loving to everyone who enters a community. My first day was filled with presents, hugs, kisses, and even a back rub. I got to know many of the Core Members very well and am excited to continue to work with them throughout the year. I think it’s going to be fun…draining perhaps … but overall good for the soul. It almost feels as if it isn’t even work. I just hang out with these totally awesome human beings all day long doing stuff I love to do. It really doesn’t get any better than that.
Life in the house is slowly moving along. During orientation it felt as if we had to evolve into this perfect intentional community right away, but I’m starting to realize that it takes time… everything takes time, and it’s ok to take things slow then add new simplistic habits as we go. Since the house is still figuring out budgeting, chore charts, and general house dynamics, it’s ok that we’re not right this second working of grey water usage or vermiculture or a big social justice issue. It’s all one step at a time.
As far as getting use to the community… it’s slow moving. I explored the city on bus yesterday hoping to figure things out. Some things are figured out (like where to get bus passes, use my bank, get YMCA membership…), however, I also spent hours trying to figure out the bus system (which I still havn’t figured out) and then locked myself out of the house. That was one exciting day that made me want to curl up in a ball and go home. The strange thing about being in a big city with no connections or car is that much time goes to waiting on the bus, and if you miss a bus or lock yourself out, there is no one to call to help you out! Mommy, daddy, and friends are not readily there to quickly swoop in to your rescue. That sucks.
I am also in the midst of a church hunt. There is a church right beside our house – Bethlehem Lutheran – that I’ve been to a couple times. It is a church with an older population but a big heart and want to grow their community. Ideally, I’d like to have a church with younger people I can meet and grow friendships with so I have some connections outside of the house. However, I enjoy this church, feel welcome to join in the choir and such, and love how convenient it is. I would never miss a Sunday if I’m next door! I could go searching for a different church, a younger church, but I’ve noticed that sometimes people can get very picky with churches and search and search for a church that’s just right. I sometimes wonder that if we would just go to church and remain committed to a body, then that church would become exactly what we need – a community we’re a part of. I guess I haven’t decided for sure, but I think Bethlehem Lutheran will be the church I decide to commit to.
Life in the house is slowly moving along. During orientation it felt as if we had to evolve into this perfect intentional community right away, but I’m starting to realize that it takes time… everything takes time, and it’s ok to take things slow then add new simplistic habits as we go. Since the house is still figuring out budgeting, chore charts, and general house dynamics, it’s ok that we’re not right this second working of grey water usage or vermiculture or a big social justice issue. It’s all one step at a time.
As far as getting use to the community… it’s slow moving. I explored the city on bus yesterday hoping to figure things out. Some things are figured out (like where to get bus passes, use my bank, get YMCA membership…), however, I also spent hours trying to figure out the bus system (which I still havn’t figured out) and then locked myself out of the house. That was one exciting day that made me want to curl up in a ball and go home. The strange thing about being in a big city with no connections or car is that much time goes to waiting on the bus, and if you miss a bus or lock yourself out, there is no one to call to help you out! Mommy, daddy, and friends are not readily there to quickly swoop in to your rescue. That sucks.
I am also in the midst of a church hunt. There is a church right beside our house – Bethlehem Lutheran – that I’ve been to a couple times. It is a church with an older population but a big heart and want to grow their community. Ideally, I’d like to have a church with younger people I can meet and grow friendships with so I have some connections outside of the house. However, I enjoy this church, feel welcome to join in the choir and such, and love how convenient it is. I would never miss a Sunday if I’m next door! I could go searching for a different church, a younger church, but I’ve noticed that sometimes people can get very picky with churches and search and search for a church that’s just right. I sometimes wonder that if we would just go to church and remain committed to a body, then that church would become exactly what we need – a community we’re a part of. I guess I haven’t decided for sure, but I think Bethlehem Lutheran will be the church I decide to commit to.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Personal Safty and Non-Violent Resistance!
Personal Safety with Marty Langlen
This again will be a more informative post, but I think everyone should know the things I learned that day. In fact, I was disgusted that no one had ever taught me these things before. So please read, soak in, and remember for the rest of you life! You actually should probably get her book. She probably explains things better!
Issue #1: Child getting hit by parent in public
- In this situation the kid isn’t out of control, they’re kids. The adult is losing control. If we try to be empathetic with the parent they sometimes feel like we’re condescending, if we scold them they become more upset… So, focus on the child. Praise them and talk to them getting their attention on something other than their tiredness and discomfort. This just calms down the situation. If the child is an infant talk to the mother about how wonderful the infant is. “Your baby is beautiful… such cute little shoes…” Something like that.
Issue #2: Community Safety Practices – “What makes you safe is being connected”
a. Get to know people in the community and treat them with respect (people on the street, mail man, store clerks, neighbors, fast food clerk, trash people, people at the bus stop…)Look at people in the eyes always. Let them know you recognize their existence.
b. Don’t be a target. Women tend to fold themselves up. (Cross legs slouch over and cross arms.) Don’t. Take up space, put feet on the ground shoulders back, look around you…
c. Observation circle. Constantly be aware of who is around you as you walk down the street. You have a 15 foot circle all the way around you. Always know when someone is entering or exiting that circle. If you get a creepy feeling, it is always ok to just stop, turn around and look. If someone is going to do something to you, they’ll think twice if they see you looking at them and observing them. Make 3 mental notes of identifying features of that person. Shoes, tattoos, hair style… easily identifiable things. Practice this and it will eventually become a habit.
d. Read body language (And trust your feelings!!!). Marjawana and Alcohol won’t affect you. However, PCP and crack are threatening. If you see someone ahead of you looking a little crazy, go the long way around them, don’t walk into things. Also make sure no one around you walks into things. To get someone to follow you in a non-threatening way, don’t make it seem like you’re helping them, ask them to help you. “I’m worried about him… will you walk with me this way?”
e. Go on a “what if” walking tour of the neighborhoods you’re in. Observe where alleys are, where people and lights tend to be and know good places to run if you need to. When you walk around the city, vary the routes and times that you walk-don’t be predictable!
*If you are female and run across of group of intimidating men, play innocent and tell them you’re a little scared and would love it if they would be gentleman and walk you to your car… they become knights in shining armor. (Usually…)
Issue #3: Property Crimes
a. Mugging – “Stuff is not worth dying for.”
1. stay calm (deep breath)
2. drop bag
3. back away 10ft saying “Take the bag, take the bag, take the bag”
4. look at observe details about the person
5. run to safety
6. tell people about the person – put up flyers.
b. Home Intruder
- use your lights and locks
- check-in system to know who’s home and who’s not
- code word and meeting place for when there’s an intruder
- get everyone out and call 911
c. Car Jacking
- practice quickly getting out from every seat in the car.
d. Group/Gang
- talk with the leader (just friendly talk)
- if that doesn’t work, go for the weakest link. Act excited to see them as if you have some connection, walk up to them, start talking, twist your way out
of the circle of gang members and leave.
Issue #4: Crimes against US
-Domestic harassers want power/control/ego boosts. Our anxiety comes from fear of
what comes after the words.
- Believe actions, not words.
Ex. Boss rubbing shoulders and saying, “You’re doing such great work…”
Respond: “That’s so interesting Mr.Hands. Why are you rubbing your hands up and down my body?” Calmly pointing out their actions throws them
off and embarrasses them. It puts the power back in your hands.
- Rape testing- people will test our boundaries ahead of time to see how far we’ll let them
go. At the bus stop they may come stand shoulder to shoulder with us, we move away,
they come again, we move away… this continues, we get on the bus and forget about it.
He later waits for us at the bus stop, pulls us into an ally and rapes us. Instead of
moving use the following non violent confrontation:
1. describe fact of what they’re doing
2. Command what you want
Ex. Sir, I notice you’re standing very closely to me, that makes me
uncomfortable. You need to go stand over there. (No yelling or cussing, just calmly explaining what’s happening and what you want to happen.)
***In other countries learn the words for “Enough/Stop right there” They are important, especially in India (Kelsey.) Say them in a strong firm voice.
Ex. Crowded bus in India, a hand is moving up your thigh. Grab it, hold it up and say, “That’s so interesting, what is this hand doing in my crotch?” Say it
loudly so everyone can hear. Even if you speak another language, it will
through off the sicko.
- Harassment on the street use this blanket statement:
“Stop harassing women. I don’t like it, no one likes it. Show some respect.”
DON’T-
1. just keep walking and ignore it
2. “Fuck you asshole” – shook people up a few decades ago, today it’s an invitation.
3. Run away/avoid. 10% of women quit jobs/move to get away from
harassment
Creative Solution: Stop and take a survey. Pull out a paper and pen and say, “This
is great! I’m taking a survey on harassers. Can I just write down what you
said?”Write down exactly what they said, ask for clarification, go through an
impromptu check list. “When did you first start cat calling? Have you ever
been catcalled? Do you harass everyone or is there anyone who’s off
limits?....”
- Work place harassment:
Ex. Boss points at Sam “you did a great report”, and John “Your work has been awesome lately.” To you he says, “That’s a great sweater”. You respond
with “Thanks, I’m glad you like my clothes. What did you think of my
report?”
- A.B.C Technique:
A. When you do “a”
B. the effect is “b”
C. I want “c” from now on.
- Stop Sign:
1. Eye Contact
2. Hands in front
3. Stop right there
If they continue...
4. No that’s enough (give another action)
Issue #5: Self Defense
- Yell “Ki-Ya, it’s an attack, call the cops” (Help’s syllables are too soft, they don’t carry.)
- If you’re a neighbor who hears something going on turn on the lights, call 911, and yell “I see you, I hear you, I’m calling the cops.”
*** Always fight where the interaction starts, don’t follow them anywhere. You’re either dead right away or dead after hours of torture.
- Pinky grab. If someone is touching you, pull their pinkies away… that is the weakest part of them, you can control the hands through the pinkies.
- Choke hold from behind or in front you: Either pull the pinkies or put your arms straight up, hands together, and twist swiftly one way or another. It will free you from the hold.
- Twist and Shout – Don’t knee someone in the junk. Grab it and twist it. This is good if they’re in baggy pants.
- Hammer – fist with thumb on top, smack it into the private parts. This is good on women and men in tight pants.
- Grab on your arm – With your spare hand, push or pull so that the grabbers thumb
pulls back, they won’t be able to hold it.
- Two handed grab – lunge down, grab your fist, pull up with a twist and run. (gets momentum to make you stronger than the grabber.)
***Your will to live is stronger than their will to hurt you. If you get stuck, take a step toward them and push out their knee. (The knee is also a very weak spot.)
- Bear hug – smack the heel of your palm under their chin or nose.
- On the ground choke – use the pinkies
- Arm hold while pinned on ground – get your heels up on their hips and push. This will flip them over you so you can roll and run away.
- Sitting on your hips – pop your stomach up and springboard them off
- Arm choke- put your chin down and your shoulder up to guard your throat for
choking. Then do this dance: “Elbow(left), elbow(right), smash that crotch (right),
kick (back kick) the knee, scrap the shin (Slide foot that just kicked down shin),
stomp that foot (end the move on their foot).”
AND THAT’S IT! You’re safe now. Lol… ish.
This again will be a more informative post, but I think everyone should know the things I learned that day. In fact, I was disgusted that no one had ever taught me these things before. So please read, soak in, and remember for the rest of you life! You actually should probably get her book. She probably explains things better!
Issue #1: Child getting hit by parent in public
- In this situation the kid isn’t out of control, they’re kids. The adult is losing control. If we try to be empathetic with the parent they sometimes feel like we’re condescending, if we scold them they become more upset… So, focus on the child. Praise them and talk to them getting their attention on something other than their tiredness and discomfort. This just calms down the situation. If the child is an infant talk to the mother about how wonderful the infant is. “Your baby is beautiful… such cute little shoes…” Something like that.
Issue #2: Community Safety Practices – “What makes you safe is being connected”
a. Get to know people in the community and treat them with respect (people on the street, mail man, store clerks, neighbors, fast food clerk, trash people, people at the bus stop…)Look at people in the eyes always. Let them know you recognize their existence.
b. Don’t be a target. Women tend to fold themselves up. (Cross legs slouch over and cross arms.) Don’t. Take up space, put feet on the ground shoulders back, look around you…
c. Observation circle. Constantly be aware of who is around you as you walk down the street. You have a 15 foot circle all the way around you. Always know when someone is entering or exiting that circle. If you get a creepy feeling, it is always ok to just stop, turn around and look. If someone is going to do something to you, they’ll think twice if they see you looking at them and observing them. Make 3 mental notes of identifying features of that person. Shoes, tattoos, hair style… easily identifiable things. Practice this and it will eventually become a habit.
d. Read body language (And trust your feelings!!!). Marjawana and Alcohol won’t affect you. However, PCP and crack are threatening. If you see someone ahead of you looking a little crazy, go the long way around them, don’t walk into things. Also make sure no one around you walks into things. To get someone to follow you in a non-threatening way, don’t make it seem like you’re helping them, ask them to help you. “I’m worried about him… will you walk with me this way?”
e. Go on a “what if” walking tour of the neighborhoods you’re in. Observe where alleys are, where people and lights tend to be and know good places to run if you need to. When you walk around the city, vary the routes and times that you walk-don’t be predictable!
*If you are female and run across of group of intimidating men, play innocent and tell them you’re a little scared and would love it if they would be gentleman and walk you to your car… they become knights in shining armor. (Usually…)
Issue #3: Property Crimes
a. Mugging – “Stuff is not worth dying for.”
1. stay calm (deep breath)
2. drop bag
3. back away 10ft saying “Take the bag, take the bag, take the bag”
4. look at observe details about the person
5. run to safety
6. tell people about the person – put up flyers.
b. Home Intruder
- use your lights and locks
- check-in system to know who’s home and who’s not
- code word and meeting place for when there’s an intruder
- get everyone out and call 911
c. Car Jacking
- practice quickly getting out from every seat in the car.
d. Group/Gang
- talk with the leader (just friendly talk)
- if that doesn’t work, go for the weakest link. Act excited to see them as if you have some connection, walk up to them, start talking, twist your way out
of the circle of gang members and leave.
Issue #4: Crimes against US
-Domestic harassers want power/control/ego boosts. Our anxiety comes from fear of
what comes after the words.
- Believe actions, not words.
Ex. Boss rubbing shoulders and saying, “You’re doing such great work…”
Respond: “That’s so interesting Mr.Hands. Why are you rubbing your hands up and down my body?” Calmly pointing out their actions throws them
off and embarrasses them. It puts the power back in your hands.
- Rape testing- people will test our boundaries ahead of time to see how far we’ll let them
go. At the bus stop they may come stand shoulder to shoulder with us, we move away,
they come again, we move away… this continues, we get on the bus and forget about it.
He later waits for us at the bus stop, pulls us into an ally and rapes us. Instead of
moving use the following non violent confrontation:
1. describe fact of what they’re doing
2. Command what you want
Ex. Sir, I notice you’re standing very closely to me, that makes me
uncomfortable. You need to go stand over there. (No yelling or cussing, just calmly explaining what’s happening and what you want to happen.)
***In other countries learn the words for “Enough/Stop right there” They are important, especially in India (Kelsey.) Say them in a strong firm voice.
Ex. Crowded bus in India, a hand is moving up your thigh. Grab it, hold it up and say, “That’s so interesting, what is this hand doing in my crotch?” Say it
loudly so everyone can hear. Even if you speak another language, it will
through off the sicko.
- Harassment on the street use this blanket statement:
“Stop harassing women. I don’t like it, no one likes it. Show some respect.”
DON’T-
1. just keep walking and ignore it
2. “Fuck you asshole” – shook people up a few decades ago, today it’s an invitation.
3. Run away/avoid. 10% of women quit jobs/move to get away from
harassment
Creative Solution: Stop and take a survey. Pull out a paper and pen and say, “This
is great! I’m taking a survey on harassers. Can I just write down what you
said?”Write down exactly what they said, ask for clarification, go through an
impromptu check list. “When did you first start cat calling? Have you ever
been catcalled? Do you harass everyone or is there anyone who’s off
limits?....”
- Work place harassment:
Ex. Boss points at Sam “you did a great report”, and John “Your work has been awesome lately.” To you he says, “That’s a great sweater”. You respond
with “Thanks, I’m glad you like my clothes. What did you think of my
report?”
- A.B.C Technique:
A. When you do “a”
B. the effect is “b”
C. I want “c” from now on.
- Stop Sign:
1. Eye Contact
2. Hands in front
3. Stop right there
If they continue...
4. No that’s enough (give another action)
Issue #5: Self Defense
- Yell “Ki-Ya, it’s an attack, call the cops” (Help’s syllables are too soft, they don’t carry.)
- If you’re a neighbor who hears something going on turn on the lights, call 911, and yell “I see you, I hear you, I’m calling the cops.”
*** Always fight where the interaction starts, don’t follow them anywhere. You’re either dead right away or dead after hours of torture.
- Pinky grab. If someone is touching you, pull their pinkies away… that is the weakest part of them, you can control the hands through the pinkies.
- Choke hold from behind or in front you: Either pull the pinkies or put your arms straight up, hands together, and twist swiftly one way or another. It will free you from the hold.
- Twist and Shout – Don’t knee someone in the junk. Grab it and twist it. This is good if they’re in baggy pants.
- Hammer – fist with thumb on top, smack it into the private parts. This is good on women and men in tight pants.
- Grab on your arm – With your spare hand, push or pull so that the grabbers thumb
pulls back, they won’t be able to hold it.
- Two handed grab – lunge down, grab your fist, pull up with a twist and run. (gets momentum to make you stronger than the grabber.)
***Your will to live is stronger than their will to hurt you. If you get stuck, take a step toward them and push out their knee. (The knee is also a very weak spot.)
- Bear hug – smack the heel of your palm under their chin or nose.
- On the ground choke – use the pinkies
- Arm hold while pinned on ground – get your heels up on their hips and push. This will flip them over you so you can roll and run away.
- Sitting on your hips – pop your stomach up and springboard them off
- Arm choke- put your chin down and your shoulder up to guard your throat for
choking. Then do this dance: “Elbow(left), elbow(right), smash that crotch (right),
kick (back kick) the knee, scrap the shin (Slide foot that just kicked down shin),
stomp that foot (end the move on their foot).”
AND THAT’S IT! You’re safe now. Lol… ish.
LVC Culture and Me
“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it! Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
During a reflection time one day in DC, this quote by Thurgood Marshall scanned across the screen. There were always many quotes scanning the screen but this one really hit my spirit, for a couple reasons probably.
I noticed in my first couple days at orientation what a very defined culture LVC is in itself. There is a group dynamic of getting very emotionally wrapped up in the hard core progressive liberal life style. (I will put a disclaimer in right now – I really respect this lifestyle) This is the life where every drop of water used is saved and reused for something else, where worm compost inhabits every city home, where women don’t shave, where the best hobbies are protesting, loudly fighting for social justice, and “sticking it to the man” so to speak.
None of these things are bad. I appreciate each of them in fact. But I was struck by how out of place I felt. I was overwhelmed by the intensity of pressure to live by each of these means and the guilt I suddenly felt when I shaved my legs in the morning or chose to read a stupid mindless novel instead of engaging in intense conversation about health care reform. When this progressive culture affect me in this way I wondered how it affected the people everyone in LVC is trying to reach out to? Afterall, I have grown up with strong Amish roots, and who lives more simply than the Amish? I mean – really… So how does this culture feel to someone who as grown up on the streets? How does if feel to suddenly be expect to always eat vegan organic to someone who grew up solely on good southern home cooking?
So my question that I am wrestling with at the moment is, “Is it possible to become so radical that we’re irrelevant?” I’ll probably blog more on this as the year goes on…
But, it was soon after I started grappling with this question that I read this quote from Marshal. If I live in the ways that give me life, the pressure to be as progressive and liberal and outspoken as many of the other LVCers is off. I am free to live in the ways that bring life to both me and others. Some of those ways will be in line with the LVC culture, some will not and that’s ok. I don’t have to fight for health care reform I don’t know enough about, even though I know the world desperately needs it. I don’t have to call my senators to tell them what I think of everything, even though the world could possibly need that influence. I don’t have to put a bucket in my shower every morning and then take it outside to water the garden for the rest of my life.
One goal for the year is to explore the things that do make me come alive. I want to find those things, hold onto them, and grow them, because I so desperately want to share myself with the world and that is what the world needs.
During a reflection time one day in DC, this quote by Thurgood Marshall scanned across the screen. There were always many quotes scanning the screen but this one really hit my spirit, for a couple reasons probably.
I noticed in my first couple days at orientation what a very defined culture LVC is in itself. There is a group dynamic of getting very emotionally wrapped up in the hard core progressive liberal life style. (I will put a disclaimer in right now – I really respect this lifestyle) This is the life where every drop of water used is saved and reused for something else, where worm compost inhabits every city home, where women don’t shave, where the best hobbies are protesting, loudly fighting for social justice, and “sticking it to the man” so to speak.
None of these things are bad. I appreciate each of them in fact. But I was struck by how out of place I felt. I was overwhelmed by the intensity of pressure to live by each of these means and the guilt I suddenly felt when I shaved my legs in the morning or chose to read a stupid mindless novel instead of engaging in intense conversation about health care reform. When this progressive culture affect me in this way I wondered how it affected the people everyone in LVC is trying to reach out to? Afterall, I have grown up with strong Amish roots, and who lives more simply than the Amish? I mean – really… So how does this culture feel to someone who as grown up on the streets? How does if feel to suddenly be expect to always eat vegan organic to someone who grew up solely on good southern home cooking?
So my question that I am wrestling with at the moment is, “Is it possible to become so radical that we’re irrelevant?” I’ll probably blog more on this as the year goes on…
But, it was soon after I started grappling with this question that I read this quote from Marshal. If I live in the ways that give me life, the pressure to be as progressive and liberal and outspoken as many of the other LVCers is off. I am free to live in the ways that bring life to both me and others. Some of those ways will be in line with the LVC culture, some will not and that’s ok. I don’t have to fight for health care reform I don’t know enough about, even though I know the world desperately needs it. I don’t have to call my senators to tell them what I think of everything, even though the world could possibly need that influence. I don’t have to put a bucket in my shower every morning and then take it outside to water the garden for the rest of my life.
One goal for the year is to explore the things that do make me come alive. I want to find those things, hold onto them, and grow them, because I so desperately want to share myself with the world and that is what the world needs.
And it has begun!
I arrived in D.C. after spending a wonderfully relaxing weekend in Pennsylvania with some of my extended family. I then spent most of Sunday, the first day of orientation, wondering around D.C. with my parents before registering at National City Church of Christ.
The week of orientation was intense. I’ll try to take my time in thinking through a lot of the topics discussed during the week. However, to begin, here is a general outline of all we covered in that short span of time.
Monday: Community as a Spritual Practice.
We met with our houses for just a little bit, went to seminars on conflict resolution, health insurance, Americorp grants, and cycles of community, and had a time of reflection at the end of the day. That evening some LVC alumni took us out on a little city outing to both get to know us and answer some of our burning questions.
Tuesday: Dialogue as Spiritual Practice
This day was all about Anti-Racism training with Crossroads. Full of interesting discussion, but also long and intense. We got the evening to ourselves though to do whatever we needed to stay mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually happy! Can you guess what I did?!
Wednesday: Social Justice as a Spiritual Practice
Another day of Anti racism training which ended up leaving many of us feeling gypped. (More on that later.) That evening, however, I got to go on an outing for people thinking of continuing their theological education. I learned a lot about how the Lutheran church works and even got to play the Mennonite game with some people… QUALITY.
Thursday: Vocation as a Spiritual Practice
I suppose it’s important to know how an organization operates… we began the day talking about how LVC operates. We spent the rest of the morning walking to an area of DC with newly planted trees. We weeded, mulched, and re-did the watering system. It was hot, but brought life and beauty to the city, so I guess that was cool. I spent the rest of the afternoon free time at a cool coffee/bookstore called Busboys and Poets. It was named after Langston Hughes and was definitely a happenin’ place. (So check it out if you’re ever in DC)
Friday: Sustainability as a Spiritual Practice
This was the BEST DAY EVER! So wonderful. We learned how to make it in a city. Self defense, nonviolent resistance to sexual abuse and how to live wisely so as to avoid these things in the first place. I will be writing a very long piece on the self defense things I learned from Mary Langelan… and wonderful woman with balls of steel!
Saturday: ?? Last day ??
The morning of Saturday we had a sustainability fair and learned tips for cooking, personal reflection, living in a city with no money, free trade, VERMICULTURE (!more on this too!), environmentally friendly cleaning practices, and grey water uses. That evening I flew to Tacoma after getting drenched in the rain on my way to the airport and waiting at the airport for 5 hours because of a delayed flight. (That was probably the best thing ever! Ha.)
Since then I have been in Tacoma trying to get settled into the foreign city and house. The house, by the way, is beautiful. Simple, but clean, spacious, and equipped. (Exciting for me!) My housemates still aren’t all here so we haven’t picked rooms or gotten settled, but we’ve spent a lot of time spring cleaning and re-organizing things.
So, those are the neat clean basic overviews of my time so far, however, the good meaty stuff will follow. From the week of orientation I have a book of thoughts to process and share with you. Those will follow shortly. I'll also try to get some pictures of my new home up here!
I arrived in D.C. after spending a wonderfully relaxing weekend in Pennsylvania with some of my extended family. I then spent most of Sunday, the first day of orientation, wondering around D.C. with my parents before registering at National City Church of Christ.
The week of orientation was intense. I’ll try to take my time in thinking through a lot of the topics discussed during the week. However, to begin, here is a general outline of all we covered in that short span of time.
Monday: Community as a Spritual Practice.
We met with our houses for just a little bit, went to seminars on conflict resolution, health insurance, Americorp grants, and cycles of community, and had a time of reflection at the end of the day. That evening some LVC alumni took us out on a little city outing to both get to know us and answer some of our burning questions.
Tuesday: Dialogue as Spiritual Practice
This day was all about Anti-Racism training with Crossroads. Full of interesting discussion, but also long and intense. We got the evening to ourselves though to do whatever we needed to stay mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually happy! Can you guess what I did?!
Wednesday: Social Justice as a Spiritual Practice
Another day of Anti racism training which ended up leaving many of us feeling gypped. (More on that later.) That evening, however, I got to go on an outing for people thinking of continuing their theological education. I learned a lot about how the Lutheran church works and even got to play the Mennonite game with some people… QUALITY.
Thursday: Vocation as a Spiritual Practice
I suppose it’s important to know how an organization operates… we began the day talking about how LVC operates. We spent the rest of the morning walking to an area of DC with newly planted trees. We weeded, mulched, and re-did the watering system. It was hot, but brought life and beauty to the city, so I guess that was cool. I spent the rest of the afternoon free time at a cool coffee/bookstore called Busboys and Poets. It was named after Langston Hughes and was definitely a happenin’ place. (So check it out if you’re ever in DC)
Friday: Sustainability as a Spiritual Practice
This was the BEST DAY EVER! So wonderful. We learned how to make it in a city. Self defense, nonviolent resistance to sexual abuse and how to live wisely so as to avoid these things in the first place. I will be writing a very long piece on the self defense things I learned from Mary Langelan… and wonderful woman with balls of steel!
Saturday: ?? Last day ??
The morning of Saturday we had a sustainability fair and learned tips for cooking, personal reflection, living in a city with no money, free trade, VERMICULTURE (!more on this too!), environmentally friendly cleaning practices, and grey water uses. That evening I flew to Tacoma after getting drenched in the rain on my way to the airport and waiting at the airport for 5 hours because of a delayed flight. (That was probably the best thing ever! Ha.)
Since then I have been in Tacoma trying to get settled into the foreign city and house. The house, by the way, is beautiful. Simple, but clean, spacious, and equipped. (Exciting for me!) My housemates still aren’t all here so we haven’t picked rooms or gotten settled, but we’ve spent a lot of time spring cleaning and re-organizing things.
So, those are the neat clean basic overviews of my time so far, however, the good meaty stuff will follow. From the week of orientation I have a book of thoughts to process and share with you. Those will follow shortly. I'll also try to get some pictures of my new home up here!
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